The final word....on hot.

It's not usually this hot here in mid-June.

That's the first thing my friendly USAir flight attendant (and that is not an oxymoron, no matter what you say) told me this afternoon when I got off the plane from New York and got smacked by the blast furnace.

So I looked it up.

Sure enough, the RSS Weather Feed reports that the average temps for Columbia in June run from a chizzly 61.8F to a balmy 83.6F.

What nobody mentioned is that those aren't your average averages.  I think they basically just added up the high and the low, which gives us for today a whopping 145.4F...and sometime next February we'll get the other end of that spectrum, somewhere around -21.8F.

That counts as an average....right?

I know, I know: nobody likes a whiner.  And there's no quicker way to identify yourself as an outsider, a newbie, an out-of-towner (and a somewhat boring one at that) than to fixate on the weather.  (Do I think you don't know that it's boiling-caldron hot around here?  No, I do not think you do not know.)

So, in the name of nurturing whatever nascent readership this little blog may be starting to develop, I will make you a promise:  this will be my very very last posting about the weather (unless, of course, it blizzards or tornadoes, both of which fall firmly under the heading of Acts of God (see Day #2) and are exempt from such promises).

And you will be particularly delighted to know that the final word about summer weather in Columbia, Missouri comes not from me - the exasperating newbie who can't seem to just get over it -- but from someone who knows far better than I do the joys and sorrows of said climate:

Sandie Heckman, a supervisor in our facilities department, read my "Ten Things" list last week and came up with one of her own -- ALL about the heat in Columbia.  With her permission, and with my enthusiastic endorsement (this is, after all, supposed to be a conversation, not a soliloquy), Sandie gets the last "Amazing Women" word on hot:

10 statements about the heat in Columbia

1.   It’s hot!
2.   Feels like we are breathing in cotton balls!
3.   Takes your breath away
4.   Swampy
5.   Muggy
6.   Intense
7.   Wait For July & August; then it gets really hot!
8.   Facilities employees look like they are melting on the sidewalk!
9.   Hurry to President Lynch’s chocolate bowl – it’s melting too!*
10.  Aren’t you glad you are home in the heat, here in Columbia!

Well, aren't you?

Of course you are.

*There really IS a great big bowl full of chocolate up in the President's office.  It's one of my less- subtle presidential acts so far.  In fact, it's a blatant bribe, a cheap but effective enticement to get you to stop up to the third floor and say hello (or really, if you're the shy type, you don't even have to say hello....and you can still have the chocolate.  That's what it's there for.)

Cool, huh?

(OK, OK, no pun intended.....)

Comments

[Frances Dare '82]

It's ok to whine. Hot is hot. When I moved to Columbia in August, 1978 they were setting heat and humidity records. There I was, the wide-eyed freshman from northern New Mexico. . . I'm talking living at 7000 feet elevation. Clear skies. Cool breezes. Hot was 82 degrees. Who new the Farenheit thermometer went above 100 degrees? Then, we had our first tornado practice drill (put on shoes, take a flashlight and radio to the basement). Tornado? What's a tornado? I knew I had moved to another planet. I'm not sure you ever get used to the weather, but for Stephens it's worth it. And, Octobers in Missouri are gorgeous. Welcome to Columbia!

[Lisa Scheese]

The one thing you learn once you've lived in Missouri long enough, the weather is NEVER average.

[Xander -- from Admissions]

As an aspiring wordsmith myself, I just wanted to take a moment and compliment your phrasing (especially something like “in the name of nurturing whatever nascent readership this little blog may be starting to develop”). Blogs too often and too quickly lose their luster, but thanks to your tone this one is remaining quite readable. Cheers for bringing a freshness to our campus.

[Mary Wilkerson]

Oh trust me, you will never stop talking about the weather here. It's impossible to predict and completely entertaining. One day you are experiencing the most beautiful day you've ever had and the next day you're wondering why the blazes you decided to live here. The best weather prediction is the one you get from your eyes, ears and hair follicles.

[Jon Kilgore]

Hey fellow New Yorker I feel your pain. I drove from Buffalo to KC August 3 years ago. Still here, still not used to it. Beware of the "massive" snow they get here seems they can get up to 16". Sigh they need to experience lake effect snow.